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-hand tattoos and a creep staring-
*by someone who believes
without a dream new york forgets you*
(frankie leone, just a man)
*“i'm afraid of her.”
“why?” he said emphatiy, irritated.
“that's ridiculous. it's just a face, an ass, and legs. she has no control over that. i could take it all away easy. the razor in the glove-box would handle the job in a few seconds.”
there was silence. we stopped at the light on broadway and havemeyer street. using a rolling machine he made a cigarette quickly. he wasn't rushing. just fast.
the fingers handling the bugler tobacco were attached to hands covered in colorful tattoos. the ink was fading like an innocence that'd bled gray decades ago. i remembered the machines at bushwick laundromats.
my oused hand gripped the steering wheel of the dented van i drove for him. my free hand felt the stubble on my face. my thoughts vibrated with her.
but not really. only an idea was seizuring through my brain. an idea that wouldn't be chased the way i was pursuing.
inaccurate statement. there wasn't a pursuit. through dim lights lining the dive bar of my mind i would stare creepily. i'd hope it would notice and sprint towards me.
the sun relaxed in a sparsely clouded sky. not glaring angrily.
an inborn disinterest needed a work out. it'd gotten flabby. too much time in jersey. too much time away from this city that'd given birth to me at beth israel hospital.
i took off prescription glasses to put on scratched aviators. the skyline became hazy instantaneously.
we started across the williamsburg bridge and i released my thoughts. “i need to be in love.”
his eye-brows went up in rageful puzzlement. the cherry of his lit rollie grew long and orange .
that van was not the place. that afternoon was not the time. that guy in the passenger seat was not the audience. that was not the thing to say.
he'd made it through some unforgiving alleyways and avenues. once and a while i considered his words. dues had been paid to my city. exhaling thick smoke he spoke in an authoritative tone. his voice was slow, gruff.
“there's ideas blowing bubbles in your skull but listen to me my man; you're in a place, at a time, where there isn't room for unrealistic motherfuckers.
"especially one's trying to live poetry that'll always pays less than me."
there was silence. feeling nothing i decided to not react. the conversation turned to mutual acquaintances and music we felt lukewarm about.*
*(* b o r o u g h * o f *l o s t * b o y s *)*
*(* . ~c~a~l~m~ *)*
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